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Lost Ambition (A Personal Story)

Updated: Nov 18, 2021

My story begin in a small little town in America. I started my own private tech "thing" I cannot call it a business, because there was no tax paperwork, there was nothing that formal. I did run websites, computer repairs, and various other tech needs.

I grew up thinking that I was going to be the next "Tony Stark". I thought that I was going to invent a fully robotic suit and become "something". Maybe even a prodigy 😲. Yeah I know what it sounds like even as I read it myself. The ego of it all alone hurts my soul a little bit 😢

The obvious reality is that that none of those things happened. I went to college, got a job, worked my tail off and landed some good work. I still had dreams though. A lot more down to earth dreams, but dreams. I was going to rise in the business world. I was going to climb every rung of the corporate ladder there was.

I got in at a young startup company. I put in lots of time and lots of hours. Hours that were not even asked of me, so that I could accomplish some of those dreams. I created a bunch of cool processes and items. I automated the crap out of the place, and helped the team get a lot of needed things done. It was hard. It was growth.

Yet I began to settle into complacency and be okay with the job and role that I was serving. I was okay with waiting my turn for the next promotion. I noticed that my dreams changed again, another rung down from where I was. I started and felt much like this gif....

My dreams have steadily drifted from my lofty (And ignorant) goals that I once had. I have let a lot of my dreams and goals drift away because of lies. I let several lies creep into my life that I am still working on weeding out if I am going to be honest.

  1. I am not smart enough to change the world

  2. I do not have the skills to make an impact

  3. Everyone else around me has beaten me

Lie number 3 is odd to me. Beaten me to what? Life has a timeline on it. There is an expiration date. As long as I am alive, the race is not over. The other thing is, what are we racing against? Becoming a prodigy?

Back to all of the lies in my focus and motivation failed to fuel me over the years because it has been placed in the wrong categories. It has been placed in a sense of ego and Self Promotion. These things are not enough motivation and fuel (At least for me 😅) to last all of the years. So I ran out of energy pursuing these goals.

Rather than building something for myself and a community of people, I was trying to prove how great I was at something. The reality is, I did lose that race 😆. BUT I AM GLAD I DID.

What I want to do in my life now is much more than invent or build something that changes the world. I want to start building and helping a community of people...even if it is just one person. If a cause is not worth one person, then the cause is not worth the effort.

I want to swap the fuel of ego and recognition for the fuel of community and growth. There is a big world out there, and there is a place in it for you and for me. We just need to make sure that we fill that space with things that matter. We need to be building something even if its just for a single human to have their life changed.

Image by Ghinzo from Pixabay

If you fell in your dreams, I think it is normal. We have all fallen to the "Giants" around us. Yet those giants are the minority and we are majority. We don't need to be the next Elon Musk or Tony Stark. We just need to be people that care and want to make a positive impact in our community.

I am still working hard at restoring my own dreams and ambitions, but I will tell you, if you are on the fence...DO IT!! You once had those dreams because you felt unstoppable! Then the world knocked you down. Get back up. Try again.


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